THE OF REALITY PERSONAL ADS FROM WOMEN
- 40-ish.................. 48 and a half
- Athletic................ Flat-chested as in like, plywood
- Average looking......... Ugly as sin
- Beautiful............... Pathological liar
- Adventurer.............. Had more partners than you ever will
- Contagious Smile........ Bring your penicillin
- Educated................ College dropout
- Emotionally Secure...... Medicated
- Feminist................ Fat; ball buster
- Free spirit............. Substance user
- Friendship first........ Trying to live down reputation as slut
- Fun..................... Annoying
- Gentle.................. Comatose
- Good Listener........... Borderline Autistic
- New-Age................. All body hair, all the time
- Old-fashioned........... Lights out, missionary position only
- Open-minded............. Desperate
- Outgoing................ Loud
- Passionate.............. Louder
- Poet.................... Depressive Schzophrenic
- Professional............ Real Witch
- Redhead................. Shops the Clairol section
- Reubenesque............. Grossly Fat
- Romantic................ Looks better by candle light
- Voluptuous.............. Very Fat
- Weight proportional to height..................Disportionally Obese
- Wants Soulmate.......... One step away from stalking
- Widow................... Nagged first husband to death
- Young at heart.......... Toothless crone
THE REALITY OF MENS PERSONAL ADS
- 40-ish.................. 52 and looking for 25-yr-old
- Athletic................ Sits on the couch and watches ESPN
- Average looking......... Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
- Educated................ Will always treat you like an idiot
- Free Spirit............. Will Sleep with your sister
- Friendship first........ As long as friendship involves nudity
- Fun..................... Good with a TV remote and a six pack
- Good looking............ Arrogant and Cocky
- Honest.................. Pathological Liar
- Rugged.................. Takes a shower every Saturday
- Huggable................ Overweight, more body hair than a bear
- Like to cuddle.......... Insecure, overly dependent
- Mature.................. Until you get to know him
- Porsche Driver.......... Small Penis
- Open-minded............. Wants to sleep with your sister but she's not interested
- Physically fit.......... I spend a lot of time in front of mirror admiring myself
- Poet.................... Has written on a bathroom stall
- Spiritual............... Once went to church with his grandmother on Easter Sunday
- Stable.................. Occasional stalker, but never arrested
- Photographer.............. Will you pose naked for me?
- Thoughtful.............. Says "Please" when demanding a beer
Well there you have it, truth in advertising!
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